Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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