Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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