Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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