Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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