Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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