Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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