Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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