Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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