Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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