Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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