Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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