Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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