Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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