Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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