Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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