Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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