Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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