Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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