Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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