Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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