Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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