Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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