Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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