Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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