Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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