Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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