Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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