Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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