Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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