Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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