Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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