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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No I deer
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?
A jury.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Went to the paper shop -
it had blown away.
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