Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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