Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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