Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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