Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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