Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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