Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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