Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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