Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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