Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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