Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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