Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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