Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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