Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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