Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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