Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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