Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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