Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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