Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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