Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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