Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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