Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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