Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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