Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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