Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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