Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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