Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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