Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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