Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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