Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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