Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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