Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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