Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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