Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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