Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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