Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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