Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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