Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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