Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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