Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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