Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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