Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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