Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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