Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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