Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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