Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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