Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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