Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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