Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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