Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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