Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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