Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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