Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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