Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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