Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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