Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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