Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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