Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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