Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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