Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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