Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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