Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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