Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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