Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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