Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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