Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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