Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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