Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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