Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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