Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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