Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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