Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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