Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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