Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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