Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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