Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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