Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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