Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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