Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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