Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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