Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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