Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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