Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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