Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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