Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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