Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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