Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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