Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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