Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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