Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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