Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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