Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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