Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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