Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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