Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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