Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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