Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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