Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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