Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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