Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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