Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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