Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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