Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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