Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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