Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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