Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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