Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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