Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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