Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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