Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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