Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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