Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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