Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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