Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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