Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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