Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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