Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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