Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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