Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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