Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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