Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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