Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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