Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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