Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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