Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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