Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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