Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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