Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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