Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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