Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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