Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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