Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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