Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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