Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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