Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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