Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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