Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!

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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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