Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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