Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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