Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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