Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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