Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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