Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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