Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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