Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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