Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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