Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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