Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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