Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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