Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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