Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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