Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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