Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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