Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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