Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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