Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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