Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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