Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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