Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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