Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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