Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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