Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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