Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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