Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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