Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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