Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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