Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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