Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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