Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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