Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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