Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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