Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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