Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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