Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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