Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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