Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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