Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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