Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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