Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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