Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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