Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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