Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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