Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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