Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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