Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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