Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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