Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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