Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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