Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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