Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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