Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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