Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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