Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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