Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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