Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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