Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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