Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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