Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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