Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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