Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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