Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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