Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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