Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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