Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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