Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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