Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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