Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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