Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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