Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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