Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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