Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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