Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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