Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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