Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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