Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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