Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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