Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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