Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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