Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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