Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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