Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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