Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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